Loving You Was My Favorite Mistake: Adam and Clare
by Purple Monochrome
Summary: Adam is falling for Clare, but she's still in love with Eli. Will Clare finally notice Adam, or should he give up?
1. Chapter 1

Adam's POV

As soon as I walked through the doors of Degrassi, I could feel every pair of eyes burning into my skin. Whispers floated around me, and angry glares punctured me like knives. I looked straight ahead, trying not to pay attention to any of the students.

I made a beeline to my locker, which was next to Eli's. As usual, Clare was standing next to him, smiling and talking.

"Hi, Adam!" She said cheerily, smiling with her clear blue eyes.

"Hey, guys." I replied. I could practically feel my cheeks turning pink as I opened my locker. I hastily pulled out my Biology notebook. If I stayed for too long, I would definitely say something stupid in front of Clare.

"What's the rush, dude?" Eli asked, smirking slightly.

I smiled inwardly. _He called me dude._ For me, it was always a big deal when anyone did something like that. It showed that they accepted me as Adam.

"N-nothing. I just have to, um, pick up a book at the library before class."

"Oh, for the English report?" Clare asked.

"Uh, yeah," I lied feebly. I suddenly realized that this was my chance to get some alone time with her. "Mind helping me pick one out? I'm not the best at that kind of stuff."

"Then why are you in AP English?" She asked, a slight smirk on her face that was identical to Eli's.

I shrugged.

"I don't know. Luck, I guess. So, will you?" I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"Yeah, sure. Eli, you coming?"

"Library? Ugh. You can count me out." He joked. "See ya." He lightly kissed Clare on the forehead, first glancing around to make sure that no teachers were watching. You could get a detention for a PDA. I felt a knot form in my stomach at the sight of them.

"Sorry about that," Clare said once Eli left. "It must be kind of annoying."

"Whatever, it's cool," I said, trying to appear as calm as possible.

Clare and I entered the library, which was a bit colder than the rest of the school. She shivered, and I couldn't help but think about how cute she was.

She walked over to the Shakespeare section, since our book report had to be about one of his plays. She pulled out a thick, green paperback book. _A Midsummer Night's Dream_.

"It's a comedy. I think you'll like it." She smiled. "Look, it even has a translator after every page for all of the old-fashioned words."

"Cool, thanks." I said, taking the book from her. My fingers brushed against hers, sending a jolt of electricity throughout my body.

Suddenly, the five-minute bell rang.

"Well, I better get to class. Bye!"

"Bye," I said, masking my disappointment with a smile. She ran out of the library, her curly hair flying behind her. I sighed. Would she ever like me back?

Clare's POV

I walked briskly down the hall, not wanting to be late for my next class. I wished that Eli had come to the library with Adam and I, but it had seemed that lately Eli and Adam weren't getting along as well as they used to. I brushed off the thought, though. Adam was going through a tough time; maybe it was just hard to connect with him.

I desperately wanted to be closer to Adam. I didn't have any guy friends, and he seemed really nice, despite all of the crap he's been put through. It sounds weird, but he's kind of my role model. He didn't let the bullies change who he was.

I remember when I saw him, dressed as Gracie, sitting at the picnic table. He had taken a hairclip and was burning his arm with it. That was just about the saddest thing I had ever seen. It makes me happy that he's better now, and is past that rough part in his life.

I slid into my seat just as the bell rang. I had AP English now, with Eli. Since we were editing partners, he sat in the desk next to me. He winked as I sat down, and I could feel myself blushing.

"So, did Adam find a book?" He asked, a touch of sarcasm in his voice. I nodded, ignoring his tone of voice.

"_A Midsummer Night's Dream_. I think he'll like it."

"Something's up with him," Eli said all of a sudden. I knitted my eyebrows together in fake confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to sound like I hadn't noticed it as well. Eli sighed.

"It's kind of hard to explain. He's still nice and all, but sometimes I catch him giving me weird looks."

My mouth twisted into a worried frown. They had looked almost like looks of... envy. But what was Adam envious about? Was it the fact that Eli was born in a boy's body, the one thing Adam wanted? That _had _to be it. I felt moisture fill my eyes. Why did everything for Adam have to be difficult?

"Clare? You okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"I just, um, got something in my eye." He looked unconvinced, but didn't question me any further. I decided not to tell him my theory, for fear that he would think it was stupid.

I sighed, and let my mind drift back to Adam for the rest of the period.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam's POV

School had finally let out. Backpack swung over one shoulder, I made my way down the front steps. It was a cold October afternoon, and the air was so crisp that it almost hurt my lungs to breathe it in.

I would be walking home today, since Drew had football practice and I didn't want to wait until 5:30. Mom would only make one trip to the school, and it would be then.

I was walking across the basketball court when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. They widened slightly as I saw who it was. Owen.

"Hey, buddy!" He sneered, mock friendliness in his voice.

"A-aren't you supposed to be at football practice?" Was all I could think to say. He was silent for a moment, as if pondering it.

"Yeah, but beating you up is more fun. I don't normally hit girls, but for you, I think I can make an exception."

"Iam_ not _a girl!" I said, my voice suddenly filling with rage. Before I could stop myself, I punched him in the jaw. He laughed, not even phased. Was he on steroids or something?

Before I even had time to think, his hand made contact with my eye, sending me staggering into the silver chain link fence. Inky black dots filled my vision, and I swung at him blindly. Of course, I missed.

My throat felt dry, and I tried to suck in some of the cold air. Goosebumps dotted my skin as the area around my eye throbbed in pain.

I felt another hard punch land on my mouth, and I shouted out a curse as I felt a warm liquid fill it. It tasted coppery, almost like pennies, and I felt a groan of pain escape my lips. I saw him raise his arm again when a female voice called out.

"Stop!" I instantly recognized it as Clare's. She pushed Owen away from me and he, startled, fell back a few feet.

"Adam, what happened?" She asked. I could hear the worry in her voice.

"This, this _lumberjack_ freaking attacked me!" I could feel the anger welling up inside of me, and I wanted to have another go at him, but I knew that Clare would not approve. She put her hand gently on my shoulder.

"Let's just go home." She glared at Owen, who smirked.

As we walked away, she fished some Kleenex out of her purse, handing it to me so that I could wipe the blood from my mouth. The whole area was numb, and I guess I missed a lot of the blood, because she laughed sadly and took the tissue away from me. Color rushed to my face as she wiped the blood for me, throwing the soiled Kleenex into a garbage can as we approached my house. Once we got to the doorstep, I felt myself blush again.

"Um, thanks, Clare. For helping me and all." I managed to choke out through my embarrassment.

"No trouble. Owen really is a jerk."

I felt a smile cross my lips when she said that. I thought that it was kind of cute that she never cursed.

I knew now that this was my chance. It was now or never. I leaned forward slightly. I could hear Clare's breathing slowing down. Her blue eyes peered up at me, and that's when I did it. I leaned farther forward and pressed my mouth against hers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: My computer was being annoying and I accidentally re-posted Chapter 2 as Chapter 3. This is the REAL Chapter 3. Sorry about that.**

Clare's POV

Adam kissed me so suddenly that my eyes stayed open. It took a few seconds for my brain to register what was happening. I could hear my own heartbeat, and his lips felt warm and soft against mine. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. When I finally realized what was going on, I instantly pulled back. He dropped his arms to his side. A lump formed in my throat, and I raised my arm to slap him, but then I let it drop. Despite what he had just done, he was still my friend, and I cared about him.

Without saying anything, I turned around and started walking in the direction of Eli's house.

"Clare, wait!" I heard Adam call, but I didn't turn around.

Tears had started to fill my eyes as I knocked on Eli's door. He opened it a minute later, surprised but happy to see me. His face instantly fell when he saw that I was crying.

"Did I miss something?" He asked as I fell, sobbing, into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head, not questioning me any further. We stood like that for a few wonderful minutes, until I stood up straight, wiping the tears from my face.

"I, um, just got into a f-fight with Adam." I choked out. If I told him the truth, it would put his and Adam's friendship in jeopardy, and I didn't want that to happen.

"About what?

"I don't even remember," I sighed, trying to catch my breath. My lips tingled from where he had kissed me, and I nonchalantly wiped at them to try to get the feeling to go away. It didn't work.

"Will this make you feel better?" He asked, smirking slightly. He leaned forward and kissed me, sliding his arm around my waist. His hands felt warm around me, and I leaned my forehead against his.

"Yes." I whispered.

Adam's POV

Crap. I had ruined _everything_. I watched as she became farther and farther away. I desperately wanted to run after her, but I knew that that would just make things worse.

How could I be so stupid? It hadn't been the right time.

_Will it ever be the right time? _I thought to myself. Clare knew about my...situation. Even though I saw myself as a boy, did she? After the thing with the tampons, I was _sure_ she didn't.

My heartbeat increased as I thought about her telling Eli. Would he stop speaking to me? Get Owen to beat me up? No, Eli would never do that, no matter how mad he was. He just didn't seem like that type of guy.

_Guy._ I felt a pang in my stomach at the word. Whenever anyone said words like male, female, girl, boy, whatever, I felt like I was going to be sick.

I couldn't get Clare out of my head. That had been my first kiss, ever. I brought my hand up to my mouth, touching my tingling lips. It sounds sad to say, but that had been the best moment of my life.

Well, up until she almost slapped me.

_But she hadn't! _I thought. Did that mean she had feelings for me?

_Ugh, stop psychoanalyzing every situation! _I was disgusted with myself. Would she even want to be friends? I don't know what I'd do if I lost Clare and Eli. I'd probably have to move to another school, since no one at Degrassi besides them even _talked _to me.

I sighed for the hundredth time, and took the long way home.


End file.
